Happy Harry Potter Eve

By now, I guess it is officially Harry Potter Day, not just the eve of. It's 12:30 a.m. and I'm sitting on my friend Becky's couch, babysitting her sleeping children while she and her hubby are fighting the crowds for the new book. Is it wrong that I'm more excited today than I am on Christmas Eve? That could be because I'm not totally exhausted from all the work and effort that I have to do for....you know, that's a comment for another entry. Or perhaps a therapist. Back to Harry.

I decided to take CTP to the big party at the downtown library this evening. I had never been a party-goer for any of the other book releases, but as this is the final installment, I found I couldn't miss it. Becky joined me for the adventure, and it really was a treat. We got there shortly after it began at 6:00, so lines for various activities were still short. We stayed about an hour and a half, just as all the kids were leaving, and the stranger crowd (or shall I say 'more devoted' or possibly 'more energetic' folks?) started showing up. Good timing.

We attended "The Care of Magical Creatures" put on by Hogle Zoo; a serious improvement from our last library animal demonstrater 'Reptile Ray,' who was actually slated to perform later in the evening: we opted to skip that one. They did a terrific job with lots of animals, and had the presenters dressed as Hagrid, Hermione and Harry. We also visited the Owl Post, Wand Making, and Diagon Alley, from which we narrowly escaped before making an expensive purchase. CTP can be quite convincing (okay, I'm just a sucker) when he's wanting a new toy. Luckily Timothy the balloon man was there and he filled CTP's new toy desire with a balloon ray gun. CTP initially requested a cloud (?) but after the look of consternation on poor Timothy's face, we convinced him that a ray gun would be plenty fun. Indeed, CTP and a boy he was passing who had also been given a ray gun had an impromptu shoot out, resulting in the other boy getting hit and splaying himself across the floor very dramatically. He had flair, I tell ya. I was pretty impressed.

Well, not to mention being totally exhausted from today's adventures, I'm starting to wonder why I'm sitting here at the computer when I could be reading. Becky's husband gave me as a thank you gift for babysitting (besides a copy of the book - thanks!) a tattoo of the number seven with Harry's face on it. Troy recommended I apply it upside-down to my forehead, letting everyone know (if they didn't already) that I am, in fact, a Loser. Proud to be one, I say!

Happy Reading!

Need Something To Do?

Do you ever have mornings when you wake up to a totally empty, unplanned day and your mood just drops...some days like that can be great, but today,...not great. Finally around lunchtime I had to pull myself out of the emotional gutter and get motivated. We piled in the car with a backpack full of sunscreen, bugspray and a camera, and headed up Big Cottonwood Canyon. This was a good idea. Our destination was Silver Lake, a small marshy lake at the very top of the canyon. I think it was at least 10 degrees cooler up there than in the valley, if not more. There was a cool breeze. Heaven. Silver Lake is perfect for kids - there's a little visitors' center with some fun activities and displays. CTP especially loved the sand box with rubber castings of animals' paws with which to make prints. Side note: I adore that CTP makes everything he does into a story or a game - he had been playing with those molds for about five seconds when suddenly each of them became a character and he was totally engrossed in a story.

Anyway, the other perfect kid aspect to the lake is that the entire thing is surrounded by a lovely boardwalk or pathway so it's not too exhausting for them to run around. There are fish and dragonflies and squirrels. We even got to see a moose out in the water. We didn't get too close, but it was fun to see. I felt so invigorated to be outside, smelling the wonderful lake smells, seeing families together, watching my kids running and exploring and getting excited about ducks and chipmunks and bugs. It's a great place to go when you need to go away. There were plenty of people there, but it certainly wasn't crowded. Perhaps the most memorable moment occurred as we were running along the boardwalk. CTP was running ahead, and I heard a splash behind me. I turn around - no RAP. Not too scary, because we were in the marshy area, not the lake area. I have to admit that I laughed when I found RAP because she had fallen right over the edge into some tall grass and was floundering in the shallow water miserably repeating, "Wet! Wet!" I sound like a horrible mother, but it was pretty funny. I grabbed her by the overall straps and hauled her out. She was only upset for, oh, 3.2 seconds and the she was off running down the boardwalk again. Here she is with her wet hair plastered to her little head, and her dignity slightly damaged:


After an hour and half at the lake we drove back down the canyon to find a good spot for playing in the river. We found the perfect place - a picnic sight with one little area where the river was slow and shallow. The kids immediately engaged in the mother of all river activities: throwing rocks. All children, and indeed, adults, love throwing rocks, and will do it for hours. And hours. I'll just say that if you ever have an extreme case of the BLAHS you need to get up to the mountains, or someplace very naturey and it helps if you can get dirty and wet too.

We Miss Peter!!!

Peter and Sheri, we wish you were here. Adam & Whitley are in town because Whit's little brother is coming home from his mission to the Philippines. Before all the returned-missionary parties start, A&W have been staying at my parents' house for a few days. We've really had a good time getting together and partying. Dinner at mom and dad's, brownies and School House Rock at Margaret's, Cafe Rio, a trip to the Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum, etc. etc. It's really been fun, and we've talked a lot about missing our baby brother Peter and his wife Sheri. Above is a picture in front of the museum, and below are other pix from the visit.

Harry Potter Review

Guess What!!!! I actually went to a movie in a movie theater with my husband. This is record breaking. Thank you, dear in-laws, for watching our kiddos.

I must clarify. I am not a fan of the Harry Potter movies. I am a fan of the books, and view the movies as necessary to see, but generally only once. I have enjoyed the visual imagery in the films but almost always have been not only unsatisfied but irritated by the scripts. It's not fair, really. How could books as good and detailed and fleshed out ever fit into a two hour movie? They can't. It really isn't a reasonable expectation. I must say, however, that Order of the Phoenix, the fifth movie, has exceeded my expectations completely. I thought it was a great movie. Now, this may have something to do with the fact that the fifth book has been my least favorite so far, but really, I thought it was so well done. I loved Professor Umbridge as played by Imelda Staunton. The pacing of the movie worked so much better than the other four, I found, and the creation of the dream sequences was truly frightening. Well done! And now I have only to cram in book six before Friday night....I'm shivering with excitement over the release of book 7. I can't decide if I'm going to try to slowly enjoy it, one chapter a night or wolf it down like usual. Let's face it, I'm a wolfer. And besides, if I don't wolf it, what if someone spoils it for me? As my friend Becky said, I want virgin eyes only when I get a hold of this book. We also have to decide if we're going to need two copies of the book so Troy and I won't fight over it....best of three falls for Harry!

Our Simpsons Family

On my brother's website, he posted some pictures of Simpson's characters that look exactly like him. I was shocked that he could locate these seemingly random cartoons that so resembled him and his wife! However, I then discovered that on the Simpsons website, you can create your own characters. It's pretty hilarious. Here is my take on our family:

Not So Good

This summer has been so full of wonderful activities, and they've all met our expectations. That is, until Wednesday. We went to the downtown library for a reptile show. It was listed in the calendar as such, and we were expecting a really neat demonstration of animals. Was I wrong to be expecting that? I don't think so.... Anyway, we were thinking it was going to be pretty neat so we even invited our friend Terri Lyn and her kids. It turns out that half the valley also was expecting something cool. We got to the library a little before 2:00, and within minutes the room was totally packed with very excited kids. Talk about sensory overload. It was loud and hot and just bubbling over with energy. Well, 2:00 came and went, and the librarian came in to tell us that "Reptile Ray" hadn't arrived yet, and if he didn't get there in five minutes then we'd do a puppet show instead. Oh how I wish it had been the puppet show. "Reptile Ray" (can you hear the sneer in my voice?) wanders in at 2:15, and proceeds to try to get his power point presentation working. Are you kidding me? Here is a room packed with 50 kids and their parents and he's messing around with the computer. Finally a librarian takes over the computer and he starts joking around with the kids in a manner displaying his obvious lack of experience talking with kids, especially in a group. I'll just say it was mayhem. People started trickling out of the room, and we should have gone too. Finally Mr. Reptile shows us his slide show, still shouting over the cacophony of voices, and then announces that he didn't bring any animals with him. Boooo. We left.

Luckily, it was a lovely hot day and the fountains were running full blast outside and we let the kids get totally soaked. Then we headed to 7-11 for free slurpee day! (The date was, after all, 7/11.)

After writing this rather nasty little note, I have to say that normally I'm thrilled with the library programs. I'm so glad we live in a neat city with lots to offer, and it's been so fun to take advantage of so many activities and opportunities. I love the library. And thanks to my mom, who always took us to cool library stuff as kids so I can pass the tradition along. Here is a darling picture of my friend's son in the fountain:

A Girl With Many Talents

I don't know how my daughter does it. She has this amazing sixth sense. It happens every time I sit down at the computer. She knows. It doesn't matter what she's doing or where she is - I think she can smell it, or she can feel a shift in the air the second I take my seat. Maybe she has bionic hearing. Whatever. All I know is that the instant I sit down, I hear the pat-pat-patting of her little feet running right for me. And all she wants is to climb on the desk (which she can do without assistance and sometimes despite my resistance) and sabotage whatever I'm doing. She also really enjoys....

...oh my gosh she's coming right now...

...okay. I got her distracted. Like I was saying, she really enjoys dumping out my container of pens or the one of stamps and membership cards. I'm very impressed with her timing, not to mention her uncanny ability to make a huge mess with as few materials and as little time as possible. Amazing.

Here is a video of RAP displaying another talent of hers: flailing and thrashing. I'm amazed that she performs this without injury.

We've had a quiet week since Independence Day - our poor valley is being suffocated in smoke from various fires in surrounding areas. It doesn't smell very nice. Plus we're around 100 degrees every day, so I haven't been very vigilant in getting us out of doors. Hopefully we'll get some cooler weather and a little moisture one of these days. What is this, a desert or something?

P.S. I'm going to reveal myself as the Harry Potter nerd that I am....only one week and four days until book seven.....

Two Months

Today is the Fifth of July. I can not let the day pass without acknowledging our son, Matthew, who was born two months ago today.

How are we doing? It's a question we hear often, and just as often struggle to answer. As for myself, I think about Matthew often every day. I find that some moments I feel as if the entire experience wasn't real and it's all very distant. Other moments I remember that I should still be pregnant, due in six weeks; should be feeling hot and wretched and excited and full of a kicking baby boy. Then reality comes and I am filled with an aching sadness, as well as a shock that this really did happen. There have been nights when I lie awake in bed and relive the days of May 4th and 5th with absolute vividness, like it's happening again, and this I dread for its pain and also savor for the sweet memory of Troy and me and Matthew together.

Sometimes I want to say that the past two months have been hard, but this is not true. They have been sad. They have also been filled with new love and appreciation for my family. They have taught me humility and asked me to be honest with myself in new ways. They have given me the gift of seeing where my faith truly lies. They have given me gratitude for the loving people that fill up our lives. Thank you, my many friends who listen, even repeatedly, to the things I need to say. Thank you, my friends who have sent your love in so many ways.

Troy and I still are working on ways to remember Matthew, which is a comfort. We can give a little to him each day that way. It is a comfort also to cry, because we do not want to stop feeling sad, to stop feeling. I think Troy especially feels even gladness when he sheds tears because he can still mourn for Matthew. Sometimes I want to shout out to everyone that Matthew happened, that he came and went and we are aching. And sometimes I keep my secret pocket in my heart all to myself, protecting its holiness.

The truth is that we know that Matthew is well and fine. We selfishly wish him to be here with us, but trust that he doesn't need to be here. I adore my beautiful children and beautiful husband. I feel deeply content and cheerful, even joyful. I look forward to meeting Matthew. We are grateful for him because even his loss has brought us blessings; sweetness to our lives.

Thank you for reading. I just couldn't let this day go by without saying the truth about what it means to us.




Paintings by Brian Kershisnik, who has captured many things in his work. My dear friend Haley gave me a book of his paintings, dedicating one to me called "A Holy Woman." Thank you, friend. Check out his website, especially the painting "Nativity" under his "Current Work" section.

Happy Fourth of July!

It was a happy one. Mostly. It didn't start out great due to a (hopefully) minor back injury for Troy. Certainly not as serious as the injury suffered by our other Troy in Seattle, but I did wake up to a crooked husband. He got up early to do some digging in the basement and as he was working, heard a crunch and felt a pop and that was it for today. Troy hasn't had problems with his back for a long time and I hope this injury heals quickly and doesn't lead to a string of problems like he's had in the past. Whenever he does this to his back he is literally crooked until the inflammation subsides. So I put him to bed and spent a lazy morning with the kids playing around the house, running to the grocery store and cooking.

We were invited to The Becky's house for afternoon swimming, dinner and early fireworks. I'm so grateful for a good friend like The Becky, and that our kids play so happily together. Here is her daughter Rachel showing off her patriotism, not to mention her extreme excitement and impatience for her father to begin lighting the fireworks. Two of my favorite events of the evening were:




1) RAP and Becky's youngest boy James repeatedly climbing up the porch stairs, throwing little golf balls down the stairs to watch them bounce, laughing delightedly, going down the stairs to retrieve them, and beginning all over again.







2) Jake, Becky's middle child, taking off his shirt to hold over the air conditioner vent to catch the air like a balloon. CTP decided he wanted to be part of the fun and so ripped off the first item of clothing he could think of. His swim trunks. We quickly (of course, not before snapping a photo) convinced him to put them back on and use his shirt instead.





I think we timed the day perfectly. A lovely afternoon at Becky's, with Troy joining us for the early fireworks show. Then we came home at nine, just at dusk, when our fabulous neighbors the McGreggors always do their own fireworks out on the street. This has actually become a nice tradition for us - almost every year we seem to return from some event just as they are starting their own fireworks. I'm starting to feel like we should pitch in next year. CTP adores them and their nine-year-old son, and happily sat with them for the show. RAP and I joined them after she had a quick bath. Then just as the McGreggors finished up, the big fireworks up at the UofU stadium began. I took RAP out in the backyard to watch, while Troy took CTP up to our in-progress attic to watch out the window. Three fireworks displays in one night - it couldn't have been better. RAP's reception to the fireworks warmed gradually with each performance. At Becky's it was a lot of "scary!" while for the McGreggors it turned more to "sparkly!" and "loud!" until finally as I held her in my arms in the cool back yard, with the fireworks blooming overhead she kept up a steady stream of commentary: "Beautiful Fireworks! That one boom! More fireworks!" I don't think either child will be ready for a Liberty Park attendance on the 24th, but maybe next year. Of course, then we'd miss Becky's and the McGreggors, which might not be worth it. Happy 4th, everyone.

Wish I Had a Picture....

Tonight I had one of those evenings that was just sweet and made me fall in love with my kids all over again. We had a long lovely summer day, amazingly spent mostly at home. Amazing because we stayed busy and happy without a major outing involved. Of course, RAP did poop in the swimming pool, but that's another story. Anyway, Troy was totally wiped out and fell asleep early. I took the kids out in the front yard to play while I worked on the weed patch that is our lawn. I felt so invigorated to be gardening while the kids played pretend in the driveway next to me. The air was warm but not hot, the weeds were coming up easily, I wasn't chasing anyone down the street...heaven, right? After their bath and getting in jammies we played for a bit, then we all went to CTP's room to read stories. RAP crawled up in my lap and actually held still to listen (a miracle), while CTP nestled in beside me and rested his little head on my side. I read a few stories, including the classic "Where the Wild Things Are," which I love reading out loud. It's just poetry, don't you think? Usually I leave CTP at this point to put RAP down, but she was holding so still that I just let CTP all asleep next to me while I sang some lullabies. Then RAP dozed off while I sang, and I wished I had a camera to capture the three of us snuggled up, my two soft babies sleeping around me. I'm so blessed to have them.

A Weekend in Washington

D.C, that is. I promise my next trip will be to the west coast Washington. This time around (my first trip in about 3 years!) I went to D.C. with my good friend Marjorie to visit an equally dear friend, Amie. It was a weekend of "so"s:

"That was so delicious!"
"I'm so happy to be with my friends!"
"This is so beautiful!"
"This is so fun!"

It was all true.

Marjorie and I left Thursday afternoon, and with a minor delay in Cincinnati (the flight crew disappeared for a short while...hopefully not to the bar) we made it to D.C. around 11:30. Amie took us for a drive through the city. I have to say that D.C. is a magical place. As soon as I get there and see the monuments, so beautifully lit, I start to hear in my head the roll of snare drums (the most patriotic of all the drums, wouldn't you say?) and then the muted trumpeting of horns...you know, some type of seriously patriotic music accompanying me around town.

Marjorie is moving to D.C. in the fall and so Friday morning she spent with a real estate agent looking for places to live while Amie stopped in to work. Amie lives in Arlington, VA not far from the Marine Corps War Memorial and Arlington National Cemetery. I went for a long walk around the monument and then on into the cemetery. I kept thinking that I should turn around and head back, but then I'd see another interesting sight ahead and I just couldn't turn back. Alone time can be so wonderful. I didn't even have music with me to walk to, just my own thoughts and a feeling of awe.

After Amie and Marjorie returned we ate some lunch (Amie had shopped at Trader Joe's, a grocery store sorely needed in SLC, for yummy things like good cheese, fruit and bread) and then headed out into the city. We started out at the National Gallery of Art. I'm so glad we made it there. As we had been planning the trip, both Marj and I decided that we didn't care if we saw a single D.C. sight - we just wanted time with Amie. Once we were there, however, we had a ball packing it all in. The art museum was a dream come true for me - Amie dropped us off to find parking and I dragged poor Marjorie from one gallery to the next finding all the art I wanted to see. I finally got to see a real Vermeer. (Joy!) I also enjoyed Mary Cassatt, Van Gogh and of course Monet, Raphael, Renoir, ....I was in heaven. Something about seeing all the art fills me with this deep ache in my chest - a fierce longing and excitement, quiet reverence, intense desire...I don't know. The girls probably thought I was nuts. And they were right.

Next were the botanical gardens (I'm so glad we made it there - it was a magical kingdom!) and then shopping in the nearby town of Alexandria. They have a riverside shopping district similar in some ways to Park City. Lots of unique shops. However, it wasn't long before hunger prevailed and we had to find a good eatery. We couldn't decide where to go until we saw a group of cops hanging out on the bustling corner - who better to ask? They pointed us to a pub with great burgers and sirloin sandwiches - may I say it again? So good. At the end of the evening, exhaustion radiated throughout the car, but I asked if they could please drop me off at the WWII memorial - I hadn't seen it before and didn't know when I could see it again, so I spent a nice few minutes walking through the crowded monument. There were some beautiful quotes. Of course, I had told Marjorie I'd call her cell when I was ready for them to pick me up, only to discover that I didn't have her correct cell number. I was afraid I was stranded. Luckily the girls spotted me on a drive-by so I wasn't stuck there all night. And then of course we didn't go to sleep forever due to much chatting, chocolate eating and the neighbors partying outside.

Saturday morning: our first stop of the day was at the local farmers' market where we enjoyed local arts (I got talked into dangly earrings and a beautiful periwinkle wrap that I will try my best to wear without feeling self-conscious) and home grown food. We found great peaches and raspberries to make into cobbler. We decided to spend the rest of the day in Annapolis, Maryland. Wow. I would have thought the whole town a fabrication because it was so darling. Really picturesque, and also authentic, which made it all the more charming. And I can now say that I've had the best crab cake sandwich on the planet. After Annapolis we raced into the city to the Museum of Natural History so I could pick up a gift for Chase. Someday I hope I can take him there. Then we stopped in at Trader Joe's and then to the mall to look for shoes for Marj. I think we were officially exhausted. So Marj and I read more while Amie worked away on her paper, and then we ate a late-night cobbler dessert. Man. Good.

We spent Sunday morning walking through Arlington Cemetery, where we saw the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier during the changing of the guard. We also saw the Kennedy graves, which were so beautiful, surrounded by granite walls inscribed with the powerful and poignant words of the Kennedy brothers. I was especially touched that Jackie was buried next to two babies she lost. One was a son, who lived only two days and died only two months before her husband. The other, a daughter, was a stillborn baby. Her grave was marked only, "Daughter." I couldn't help but wonder if she ever got a name, even if it was only her mother who knew it. I had taken pictures of Jackie and John's graves, and even their son. I was almost going to walk away, but I couldn't go without a photo of little "Daughter" as well.

I really enjoyed attending Amie's church - the Arlington ward meets in a really lovely and serene building. I hope Marj is able to find a home in the area. The neighborhood was so delightful. After church was a delicious Amie-dinner, and then we rushed to the airport where we, after quite the comedy of errors in which I played the fool (thank you for the three separate stops, airport security!) very nearly did not make the plane. The trials of making the flight are enough for a blog entry all their own but I shall spare you the details, seeing as how it's unlikely anyone has made it to the end of this marathon entry as it is.

Thank you, dear friends, for the getaway weekend. Thank you, dear Troy for your support in going and for your great daddy-ing. The kids hardly knew I was gone. I must mention that we missed several people over the weekend - Carrie, TL, Emily, Eliza....you shoulda been there. And now I'm set for the next four years, right?

You Go, Indie-Go-Girls!

There's nothing like it. Sitting on a grassy hill on a breezy summer evening, listening to live music and watching interesting people walk the pathway in front of you. The sun casts a rosy glow on the beautiful hills above as the sun sets. You're eating great food (caprese sandwiches from Cuchina's, a favorite little deli in the avenues) and sitting with girlfriends in the summer air. I've been excited for weeks to go see the Indigo Girls with my good friend Misty (in red) and her two sisters Erin (white) and Kelly (stripes). Red Butte Garden is the perfect spot for a concert - it's just so beautiful and you can see well from wherever you are. The only thing missing was my friend Karen, a.k.a. KB, who is a fellow fan. I have great memories of road trips with her during which we put on the Indigo Girls marathon and sang along at the tops of our lungs.

This is basically what we did last night, for as many songs as we could. I have to admit I haven't kept up on the Girls' latest releases, so there were many songs to which I did not know the words. But there were lots of fun dancing songs anyway, as evidenced by my favorite character of the evening, whom I shall dub "Skirt Man" or possibly "Dances With A Skirt." What I learned about Skirt Man, thanks to several flips of his short little kilt as he repeatedly pranced by, was that he did indeed have undies on. They were tight and black, but they were there, and that was the important part.

Here are a couple clips of my favorite songs of the evening - sorry, you'll probably hear Misty and me "singing" along (more like laughing and yelling along, I think). Of course, Closer I Am to Fine (sorry, this one is sideways,) and a bit of the last song of the night, Galileo. I have to say, I did wonder if the Indigo Girls' hairstyles would change a little since they got started 20 years ago. The answer was no. However, nothing can take away from those great tunes and a fabulous evening. Thanks Y'all!

Daddy's Day Tops Off a Great Weeekend

What a nice weekend we have had.

This summer I'm trying to be proactive about doing a lot of fun things. We've received several calendars in the mail from places like the library, the farmers' market, the childrens' museum and the zoo, all full of fun things to do almost every day of the summer. I made these great big calendars on poster board to hang on the wall by the computer and we draw pictures or write down things we want to do on as many days as we can. Summer can seem long to me because I dread the heat a little bit. But now that I'm trying to find room to do all the neat things we can do, it seems like there's already hardly any summer left! And, I'm trying to enjoy the warmth while it's here. Come on, grass-is-always-greener-girl! It's been really fun to look at the calendar with CTP each evening, cross off the day and look ahead to what we're going to do.

The first big outing on the calendar was last Friday. I had drawn a large dinosaur on that day because my sister-in-law Kathleen and I were going to take our kiddos up to the Ogden Eccles Dinosaur Park. We piled into her nice little mini van after lunch and made the drive. It's really a neat place, with some interesting fossil displays inside the museum along with a robotic t-rex and triceratops in a dark and atmospheric room. This room is the first place you arrive after paying your entrance fee. We visited this museum two falls ago when RAP was 6 weeks old. CTP wasn't quite three, and he was the first to run in that room. One glimpse of the roaring and lunging dinos sent him running. I was still coming up the stairs when I saw a terrified CTP literally leap into the arms of my friend Gina, who was the nearest familiar adult. He was so upset he stayed in the gift shop for 45 minutes. This time went better. Although he was initially alarmed, he was able to go into the room, clinging tightly to my arm. RAP also squeezed me a bit harder but was quite fascinated. The rest of the park is an outdoor maze of pathways leading around mounds and through leafy tunnels, filled with plaster statues of dinosaurs. Some life size, some not quite. I'm a bit of a dino-snob at this point at felt critical of some facts, but overall it was fun. And hot.



On Saturday we planned to visit Anderson Library for a Hawkwatch presentation. A cute and certainly granola-loving gal (she nearly walked off the screen of a Simpson's episode - she was such a perfect stereo type of a bird-lover) was there with a guitar and a bird. She sang silly songs, passed around plastic replicas of bird parts and even dressed CTP up like a hawk to demonstrate qualities of a raptor. CTP was thrilled. There were only three families there - I was surprised because it was a 100 degree day - you'd think more people would come to the cool library on a day like that. Anyway, the kicker was that she had a live hawk with her to show. CTP was really hoping to hold it, but alas, it was not to be. My favorite part was at the end during a Q&A time, CTP thought it good to bring up raptor dinos vs. raptor birds. The other kids were asking questions, but CTP made this comment, "Rapter Dinosaurs actually BEND in the middle." Huh? Even the presenter seemed stumped as to how to respond. Thanks for that, buddy. Of course I thought he was charming. I'm so glad we're taking advantage of all our community has to offer.

Daddy's Day was nice. I gave Troy a leather necklace with an "M" bead on it for Matthew. We've been working on getting some jewelry made to remind us of him, and it's taking a while. So in the meantime I thought he'd enjoy that, and I think he's happy to wear it every day. CTP gave him (you'll never guess) a dinosaur to play with. Isn't he thoughtful? I spent the day cooking for my in-laws - we really had a nice evening with them. It was so much cooler out that we ate on the back porch, and my friend Becky and her family joined us for a scrumptious chocolate truffle cake for dessert. Here's my new favorite salad recipe:

Mixed greens, your choice
Cut up chunks of watermelon
Crumbled feta cheese
Avocado
Red onion - sliced, marinated in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, then grilled until caramelized
Some tangy vinaigrette.

Yum. Happy Father's Day to all, and to all a Good Night.

Ups and Downs

This is RAP:



This is RAP without a nap:



Incidentally, she was wearing jammies that had the word "cutie" embroidered across the front. Indeed. The jammies were the problem - she liked the pants and wanted to wear them on top, which I was not able to help her with. It brought to mind the verse,

"There was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good
she was very very good
and when she was bad,
she was horrid."

That is my child. Eventually a couple times through "Goodnight Moon" and her favorite goodnight song (There was an old Lady who Swallowed a Fly... don't ask my why that's her favorite. It just is.) helped her settle into sleep. And then mommy went for a long hard walk. Alex was happy.

We had a nice weekend. Well, I did. I took the kids for this monster walk and ended up at a park we hadn't been to before. The weather was perfect, RAP had fallen asleep in the stroller, and CTP was playing happily. I sat down and stretched out in the sun. CTP sat beside me, also stretched out in the sun and said, "Mom, isn't today just beautiful? I mean, isn't it just gorgeous?!?" "Yes indeed," I replied. Of course, on the way home he complained that he was thirsty and I didn't have a drink for him. When he asked me why not, I told him that I made a mistake. "I'm sorry," I said, "I'm just not perfect. I make mistakes sometimes!" He replied, "No you don't, mom, you're pretty!" Awww. Thanks CTP. Not that pretty is the opposite of mistaken, but I'll take the compliment from my sweet son anyway.

In the meantime, Troy was at home unclogging our extremely clogged sink. We had tried the drano thing, several times, to no avail. Finally, after CTP spent an afternoon playing in the backed-up water with an army of plastic carnivores, it became obvious that more effort would be required. Luckily it didn't take Troy too long to take care of the problem. After cleaning out the pipe he displayed an impressive catch: 3 hairclips, 2 earrings, 2 pennies, 1 pair of tweezers, 1 pimple popper, and 1 human tooth. (That last one belonged to my niece, Mary Grace, who was very distressed after losing a tooth at my house - she dropped it down the drain while admiring her new negative space in the mirror.) I guess there was also the usual presence of gunk and hair ("A tremendous buildup of filth and muck!" Name that movie....) but we don't need to give details on that. Anyway, hoorah to Troy for fixing the sink.

And to end on a nice note, RAP did get a nap on Sunday, and was very difficult to wake up, partly because she's quiet and nice while she's sleeping and I just can't quite bring myself to do it.



P.S. I just finished a book I just loved: "These is my Words" by Nancy Turner. Thanks for the suggestion, Misty!

Bedtime Conversation

C:
"Mom?"

Me:
"Yes Chase?"

C:
"Did Dinosaurs have warm heads?"

Me:
"I don't know, honey."

C:
"You don't know a lot, Mom."

Me:
"I know."

C:
"But you do know a couple things."

Me:
"Thanks, C."

Not Really Hungry Now

CTP:

"Wow mom. Are you cooking meat? Are you cooking COW meat? That smells really really good. That smells as good as a cow!"

CTP in Five Chapters

Chapter One: Dinotopia

Have you heard of this book? It's incredible. Beautiful illustrations and a really fun concept of a father and son discovering, after being washed ashore an island following a shipwreck, a society where dinosaurs and humans have lived in harmony for generations. About five years ago a made-for-tv movie came out based on the book, but updated to a modern pair of brothers who also washed ashore following a plane wreck. We've rented this movie from the library a couple of times and we've checked out the book several times as well, pretty regularly over the past 3 years. I don't know what clicked for C about 2 months ago, but Dinotopia suddenly became his main topic of thought, conversation and play. Just ask his cousins, especially Hannah. I think if C asks her one more time to play Dinotopia she's going to run away screaming and pulling out her hair. I have actually now offered to PAY her to come play Dinotopia with C because he loves it so much. I finally decided to just buy the dang DVD, thinking that he could watch it occasionally instead of always asking us all to play it with him. You're wondering what I was thinking, right? Me too. His efforts have doubled. He has a stuffed dinosaur that used to be named Topsy-Turvy the Triceratops. However, there's a chasmasaurus (similar to a triceratops) in the movie named "26" (don't ask) and now poor Topsy will forevermore be called 26. Here's C grinning from ear to ear on the day his DVD arrived in the mail.

Chapter Two: First Summer Vacation

Here's CTP at his last-day-of-school water party last Thursday. Let it be known that we have ADORED Miss Patti - she is the neatest teacher. We found her through our friend Marianne, and although she lives far away from us in the Canyon Rim area, about 15 minutes away, she was so worth the drive. Next year we're going to attend a pre-K class closer to home, and I'm just so sorry that we're not going to Miss Patti. Luckily the school at Bennion Elementary was recommended by several friends, so I'm sure we'll do great. But it's hard to leave Patti. Also, I've only just started to get to know the other moms. I guess all winter long at drop-off and pick-up times we just sat in our cars and watched our kids come and go. With the warming weather, we're actually getting out of our cars and talking. I've gotten to know two moms in particular and we've had some really fun play dates. I'm just about the only person not returning next year. It would have been so fun actually knowing the other people. I even considered taking C there again next year despite the addition of one more day a week, but then we thought that at Bennion, C might be in a class with kids he'll go to kindergarten with, which is certainly not the case now.

Chapter Three: Prepositionally Challenged

Picture this. I'm sitting at the computer, which is next to the bathroom door. C comes running up in a panic, announcing that he has to go to the bathroom. He likes to keep me informed. He runs into the bathroom, yanks down his pants, and has at it. Then he says, "Ooops! I think I tinkled ON the potty, not IN the potty!" I look over. Indeed, the lid remains closed, though the deed has been done. Thank heavens for antibacterial bathroom cleaner.

Chapter Four: The Rematch

S came to town. You know, S, C's cousin, son of Adam & Whitley, sibling to L (the disappointingly non-Flash sister), the one child who seems to raise C's sense of competition more than any other. They had a showdown at my folks' house. Guess what. They did great! They played dress-up ("We're being GIRLS!!!"), played Twister, ran around the yard and played in the hammock. I don't think they had a single duel. They probably just didn't have enough time to really get going. My dad got really creative with the Twister game, what with C and S not really knowing left and right just yet. "Put your belly button on yellow!" "Put your armpit on green!"

Chapter Five: I didn't quite catch that

Today. Five p.m. I'm fixing dinner while C is sitting on the kitchen table with a giant green glob of playdough we just made and he's stuffing little dinosaurs into it and pretending to dig them out. He says, "Look Mom! I'm exhibating dinosaurs!" What? The award for creative combination of two words into one goes to my son, CTP.

Memorial Encounters

For our Memorial Day, we decided to totally overdo it. It was really a fun day. We started out with a "first-thing" trip to the zoo, followed by grocery shopping, several hours at the park and then landing, exhausted, at a BBQ. We were wiped out.

I'm so glad we made it to the zoo. "First thing" is the only way to go - be there five minutes before it opens. We really wanted a glimpse of the visiting "ghost of the Bayou" - a pure white, though not albino, alligator. I had a hard time getting a good picture of it, but it really was a sight to see. If you get a chance, I recommend a visit. After the alligator, we high-tailed it to the farthest corner of the zoo: the big cats exhibit. Because we were early enough we were the only people there, and we were rewarded for our efforts. The cats are quite active in the mornings and we had an uncontested up-close view of them. The Amur leopard was especially intriguing, and the new tiger, who was pacing all over the place, is always a favorite.



Then we strolled over to the giraffes - again, we had an almost-alone chance to watch one animal playing and eating with his ball-on-a-stick. This is not a great shot of the giraffe itself, but you can see where he was:


Once we started back towards the entrance we hit the wall of people who all wanted to go to the zoo at the same time. That was our cue to leave - 90 minutes at the zoo is just perfect. For the rest of the day, Troy spent time with his Dad so the kids and I hit a couple grocery stores and spent a gorgeous few hours at Laird Park. Laird Park will always be a favorite for us - although my parents no longer live in that neighborhood. We call it "Oma's Old Park." The weather couldn't have been any better - Warm, cloudy, slight breeze. The kids were so happy that we stayed for more than two hours, which left us just enough time to rush home, throw together some food, and head over to Zach and Charisse's for a backyard BBQ. Then we all came home and crashed.

The 25th of May

Always a magical day in my book. I turned 34 yesterday - thirty FOUR. The nice thing about being married to Troy is that I never feel old - because he turned 34 three and a half years ago. Okay, okay, that's not the only reason I like being married to Troy. Here's what I love about my husband. Every year for my birthday, he surprises me. I never ask for a gift because it's too fun to see what he'll pick out. I always love seeing what someone gets you for a gift because it says something about how that person sees you. Troy is excellent at remembering something I said weeks or even months ago, or thinking about what I might really like. He's great at this. I wish I were as talented at choosing gifts for him. This year he gave me some nice hair care products. This may not sound very special to you, but he listened to a conversation I had with my sister in law, and then researched out the very best equipment. I'll just say that the people at the beauty-supply shop were very impressed that a guy was picking out nice stuff for his wife without even having been asked. Way to go, Troy.

The day was a lovely one. My friend Becky watched my kids for a couple of hours while I some time to myself. I filled that time by buying underwear and vacuuming out the car. It's amazing how your self-esteem can rise with clean underwear and having a car no longer littered with crusty french fries, wrappers, crumbs, dirt...etc. etc.etc. So, yes, I purchased some self-esteem for myself.

Then my friend Terri Lyn decided that our neighborhood friends needed to gather at the park for lunch. My birthday was just a good excuse to do it. I'm so grateful for the wonderful people in the 'hood. We went to Laird park where the shade was glorious and the only trouble was that the slides were too hot. I appreciated so much the effort TL went to - normally I feel a little silly having a birthday party for myself, but this year it felt good. My eyes have been opened a little to the gratitude I feel at being surrounded by beautiful souls.

After a little quiet time at home my parents took the kids while Troy and I got some Italian food. How does this sound: Shrimp and asparagus risotto. Yum. Plus, in the afternoon the kids and I put together a lemon cake to share with my parents. I really just made it because I thought the kids would feel bad if we didn't sing "Happy Birthday" and blow out candles and stuff. Turns out, they didn't care very much. They didn't even eat a bite of the cake. That's okay. I think they had a good time making it.

Where are that girl's parents?

I didn't know how to title this entry. So many things came to mind, such as, "How to be a bad parent" or, "Serenity NOW!" or "Who's child are you REALLY?" My daughter has decided that now is the time to give us a serious run for our money. You know how sometimes you know something is going on for your child - it could be a new tooth, it could be early onset of the terrible twos, it could be a rare pancreatic parasite...you don't know, there's no way to find out, you just know that it's SOMETHING SERIOUS.

Yeah, something's up with RAP. She's doing that fun thing where she cries and cries and cries. You ask her what she wants, and she tells you. For example, some chocolate milk. So you get the milk. You pour it into a cup. She cries for the plain milk. So you give it to her, and she screams that milk is yucky. So you offer to put the chocolate in it (anything to stop the screaming, which is also accompanied by thrashing her body so violently you nearly drop her) and then she cries and cries and cries because her milk is now brown. Or because you put it in the wrong cup. And suddenly all you can think to do is throw the milk at her, which of course you refrain from doing because, after all, you're trying to retain some level of acceptable parenting here. So you put her and the milk down and walk away. That's when the real tantrum starts, which is surprising because you thought that it already was going full force. Wow. I nearly threw a few tantrums myself over the past few days. What this leads to is that I will now do anything R wants. ANYTHING. There, I said it. I'll do whatever she wants just to keep the child happy. Today this included letting her sit on the counter and gnaw on an entire block of cheese. See photo.

The thing is, although the past three days have been dreadful, she manages to throw in just enough absolutely darling behavior to save her life. I really thing she's a clever and charming girl. Of course she's got something going on - we all do. She's sensitive to the emotional signals in her house, even though she doesn't understand the details. I'm not surprised that she's had a difficult time. We all have. It's just the FURY with which her emotions are released. Frankly, I'm a little afraid for the future. Can you imagine her at 13? Me neither.

Beautiful

We're back to spring weather in SLC, after a short burst of early heat. Glad to enjoy May while it lasts. I'm sorry to say I always dread the summer for its heat. I'm going to try to focus on enjoying the sun, the perfect evenings and not get too grumpy about the heat.

RAP helped me do some yard work today. I couldn't help but post a shot of my lovely girl.

I'm so excited because my garden is thriving this year. I absolutely love shade plants: columbine, bleeding hearts, hostas, ferns... I started putting plants in this spot in front of our house several years ago, and they're all really gorgeous this year. For the past couple of years we've had work going on, like replacing our roof last year and replacing the windows the year before that just flattened my shade garden. But this year it has room to really grow. Plus, since Troy stripped the paint off the house and cut down our ugly (and dead) trees in front, it looks great. Okay, the porch is in need of some serious attention, but that is a project for another year. Probably another decade. I was worried that cutting down the trees would let too much sunlight on the garden and kill the plants, but so far so good. We still have a maple in front that protects it from the harsh afternoon sun. This is probably not information anyone was interested in, but there you go. It is what made me happy today!

And now I hear Troy coming in the front door with a raspberry concrete from Nielsen's frozen custard for me....nothing is better than that!

Mamma's Day

We had a really nice Mother's day. Actually, we skipped out on church. It would have been our first day back since we lost Matthew, and I knew it would be emotional anyway, and it being Mother's Day on top just seemed like too much. So, we enjoyed a morning at home together and then in the afternoon Troy took the kids to the park for a bit so I could have a nap. Here's CTP jumping off the bleachers at Sunnyside park:

He was very proud to show me what a good jumper he is.

Then we headed over to Troy's folk's house for a nice evening with them as well as Troy's oldest brother Rick. Dinner was terrific, plus the evening's weather was so nice that we just frolicked in the back yard for hours. Well, I left most of the frolicking up to C and R. They sure had a great time. R, it seems, fears nothing. She loves being tossed around like crazy. She kept running up to Troy with her arms in the air crying, "Daddy! Up High!" And this is what he would do:

Please don't call DCFS. She was screaming with delight.

Matthew's Blanket

I'll begin by saying that we are so so grateful for every bit of love and care that we have received over the past week. Flowers, food, gifts, calls, hugs - every little bit has been precious to us and a reminder of so many wonderful people that we are blessed to know and love, and be loved by. Great. Now I'm crying. Again. Anyway, our dear friends Mike and Misty came by the other evening with a very precious gift; a blanket they made to help us remember Matthew. We call it the Matthew Blanket, and it is soft and warm and sweet, and filled with the love of our friends.

During this experience, CTP has been pretty steady, occasionally asking questions but really not showing much emotion. But one thing is his attachment to the Matthew Blanket. Every time he cuddles up for a show or goes to bed he asks for it and just cocoons inside of it. Somehow this comforts me, to see C reaching out for comfort from something that brings so much to us.

Our Sad News

I think most people who read this blog already know about our story, but I thought I'd record a little of our experience over the past week. About a week ago I noticed that I could not feel our baby kicking in my belly anymore and that it had been a number of days since I had. By Thursday I really knew there was a problem, so I went into my clinic to check for heart tones. Indeed, we could not find any, so after two ultrasounds it was confirmed that our baby boy had passed away, probably about a week prior to this.

Friday morning, Troy and I checked into Salt Lake Regional Medical center, luckily just across the street from our home. Because I was 23 weeks along this was considered a stillbirth and not a miscarriage. We were admitted to labor and delivery where I was administered drugs that induced labor, and our boy, whom we named Matthew, was born at 1:30 am, Saturday morning. We were able to hold him and see his tiny body. This was a precious and indescribable experience.

Although our hearts are heavy and we are certainly grieving the loss of our son, Troy and I feel grateful for the tender things we have felt and that we have been drawn closer than ever before through this trial. We can feel, almost tangibly, the presence of peace and comfort that surrounds us. We are grateful, more than we can express, for the two beautiful and creative children that we have, and grateful also for outpouring of love and support that we have received. Most importantly, we are grateful for our faith, and that Matthew was able to come to us, even for so short a time.