Day of Thanks, 2024

Not since the historic year 2020 have we travelled to St. George to spend Thanksgiving with the Romney family. Two years ago when it was a Romney year for Thanksgiving we stayed up here by ourselves for a quiet meal with grandma and without Chase. Sheri, our superhero ER nurse, pretty much always seems to work on Thanksgiving, so to be able to spend the holiday with them we needed to head south.

I had fun planning the meal. I love planning meals the same way that Sheri loves planning vacations. 

May I share my menu? No one cares but too bad I'm the boss here.

Turkey - roasted legs in order to get awesome gravy, and brined tenderloins to grill in order to have truly moist yummy turkey. Of course gravy and mashed potatoes. Romney requested mac n cheese and I did my best but it could have used more cheese. The stuffing was just ok - I need to figure out how to make it better. It was a little dry. We also did stove top which you can't deny is just delicious. Rolls, naturally. And my favorite part (which I will get teased about) was the roasted vegetables - brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, carrots, with a cranberry glaze and goat cheese. I mean are you kidding me? So good. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First we drove to St. George on Wednesday night...and Troy and I were clearly coming down with colds. I shouldn't have been surprised. On airplanes in November? Colds were obviously going to happen. So actually neither of us felt very good. But that's ok. 

Thanksgiving calls for football - I was so glad Troy got the chance to throw a few passes with Peter out in the November desert air.

 

 

I of course spent the day cooking, and being sad that Sheri was away, although she was able to be with us in the morning for a while. We enjoyed eating our feast out of bowl made my our cousin Joe Bennion, treasures from our parent's home.

 

That evening two delightful things happened. First of all, I handed out the annual Christmas jammies. I found Christmas onesies from Fabletics on a screaming deal and went for it. I couldn't tell if they'd be a total hit or a total miss. Happily, my kids loved them! In fact, they've been wearing them a ton all month long. I treated myself to a pair and showed my love to my husband by NOT getting him a Christmas jumpsuit. Also, the first Christmas movie of the year happened. Die Hard, naturally. Remind me next year to only watch the edited version.

 

Not only did everyone enjoy the new pajamas, we all enjoyed time with the charming and snuggly Tucker.

Friday was a lovely lazy day with lots of homework time for me. I just sat in Peter's music room for hours and hours, getting my stupid assignments done while I kept my feet in the foot massage machine and sat under a lovely blanket. And listened to Christmas music. So very very pleasant. Except the dumb homework part. Meanwhile, the girls all headed to the mall for some crazy black Friday shopping and the boys were treated to a climbing trip by Sheri's dad Gordon.

That evening, Romney hosted a Dungeons and Dragons One-Shot campaign for everyone but Troy and me. And Sheri, who was at work again. I reveled in lounging lazily on the couch in my coughing glory while the kids got REALLY into the game, especially Sam. That was adorable. 

 

That evening the girls headed out for a late night showing of Wicked. I love that the girls are now able to take off by themselves and go do stuff. They loved the movie - Emma texted me in the middle of it to report to me that she was sobbing.

On Saturday we finally got a day with Sheri! I was not feeling great, but decided to go for the family hike together so I didn't miss time with her. It was a gorgeous day, and getting out and moving was helpful. Luckily the hike was followed up with a soak in a hot tub, equally good for my health.

Troy and Romney spent the evening driving to Overton, Nevada to look at a possible Landcruiser for us (a post for another time), while the rest of us conked out in various forms around the house. I think we also watched Christmas Vacation that night, although Sheri slipped away with her kids to go to the light walk on the hill - so funny, I didn't know they had left and was shocked to hear that they had left for an adventure. 

Delightful weekend. Boy had we been away from home a lot! And had many blessings to count.

A Different Kind of Tree Hunt

Yep, life is a little different for us these days. Not only were we completely unable to go Christmas Tree Hunting at the cabin until mid-December, which was far too late to get a tree, when we did go get a tree, our girls either couldn't join us or weren't that interested. True, going to a tree lot isn't that exciting. But still! Where is everyone's sense of fun and adventure? Oh yeah, I have a 15 year old. That's where it went. 

So Troy, Chase and I headed out into the (warm) December night in search of a tree. We started at Millcreek Gardens, where we were frankly horrified by both the selection and the price of the trees. There were exactly three trees that were in our height range and they were all close to $200 and looked mediocre at best. We decided to try again - Robinson Tree Farms where the prices were quite a bit better and there were hundreds of trees to choose from. Phew.

Chase and I actually had quite a bit of fun running through the rows and rows of trees. He found us a great tree, and I'm going to freely admit that the fact that we did not have to cut it down, tie it to the top of our car ourselves, or deal with other drivers in a snowy canyon were my favorite parts of this year's tree hunt. Makes me kind of want to go to Robinson's every year. Don't tell Mary. 

The Salt Lake Funeral

Rebecca made the decision to have Chris laid to rest in Salt Lake City, next to his father. There was a second funeral in Salt Lake City to honor Brent as well as Chris again since so much of his life was in Salt Lake. This time, Troy was honored to be asked to speak, since he has also been close to Brent. I'll include his beautiful talk at the end of this post. 

There had been so much emotion over the past few weeks, especially in Virginia. I think by the time the 
Salt Lake funeral happened everyone was a little numb and worn out. There was only so much emotion that one can experience. I think Troy and I were a little exhausted. But gathering again, this time including so many more Salt Lake friends were able to be there. I was touched though to meet again with new friends we made in Virginia, who clearly were not going to leave Rebecca's side. 

Not only did Troy share his tender thoughts, but we were also able to hear from Chris's mom and two sisters as well as Rebecca again. What strength she has shown us. 

The cemetery was cold and quiet, and the weather fit the emotions of the day - raining and covered in clouds. Huddling together with loved ones was appreciated in many ways.

The best photos of all. Troy with his troop of friends, fondly dubbed "The Oly Studs," both then and now:

I think it's now that the hard part comes. Funerals are tough, exhausting, and emotional. But there is a huge gathering of love and support. It's now, a month later, when people roll back into their normal lives. I'll never forget that life will never again be normal for our friends. We have tried our best to support Rebecca and her sons from across the country. I have tried to ask Troy often about his thoughts and feelings, knowing that when a friend dies, the absence leaves a hole forever. I'm grateful for my faith.

Here's Troy's talk from the funeral:

Brothers and sisters, it is a privilege to stand before you all today to spend a few

minutes together. I pray that the spirit will carry my words to your hearts and that we

can all be uplifted and have our faith strengthened today while we mourn the loss of

Brent and Chris, but also celebrate the lives of these wonderful men.

Writing this talk as allowed me to take a step back away from my 4-decade long

friendship with Chris and look at the man that he was and is in a way I never did before.

In this process, I have recalled many memories shared with Chris. There was the time

that we climbed angels landing at night by the light of a full moon and spent half the

night out there. Please do not ever climb Angels landing at night. Its not safe. There

was the week in late October of 1996 when Halls Creek Bay was a sheet of glass for 3

straight days and we water skied so much that we started losing skin from our hands.

But those recollections only tell you that Chris was a fun loving and adventurous man.

What probably none of you know, is that in our senior year of high school, my beloved

but not so reliable VW rabbit died and I did not have enough money to get it fixed. Now

for the young people here, that may not sound like a big deal, but know that back then,

to be connected socially, you had to leave your house and go to where your friends

were. When my car died, and it was dead not for just a couple of days, it was dead for

weeks. Lots of weeks. I was cut off from social contact and after school activities,

pretty much everything, or I would have been if Chris had not just picked me up from my

house and driven where I needed to go for weeks. Chris was always loyal and

generous. This was one of the first big examples of that from our youth. There are

many more examples that I do not have time to share today.

Chris is a best friend and a brother. Brent is a father figure and a mentor. Brent wanted

us to be better than we were, he wanted us to not let fear hold us back in life. These

sound like good things, and they are, but sometimes when you are a teenager and

make the mistake of saying out loud that you think a girl is cute within earshot of Brent

things could become uncomfortable.

Once I was with the Mackay family at Deer Creek for some water skiing and made the

fatal mistake of saying out loud that I thought that the girl at the entrance booth was

cute. Immediately Brent said something to affect “so what are you going to do about it”.

He then pulled the suburban up to the booth so that my window was next to the booth

window, he then did me the favor of rolling my window down for me so I could ask the

cute girl out. Now under duress, I did ask her out and she politely told me that she

already had a boyfriend. I should have known better than to say this out loud, because

this was not the only time Brent did this to me. I did end up going on some dates I

would not have otherwise because of Brent’s encouragement.

I work with the young men of my stake and at ward conferences, YM activities, and YM

campouts, there some things that get repeated to the YM. One of them is this: take out

your ear buds out, and put down you phone. Give the Lord quiet time and space to

teach you and heal you.

One of my favorite scriptures and one that I think communicates this idea well is found

in psalms 46:10. It reads, Be still and know that I am God. This scripture asks for more

than quiet, it asks for stillness. Stillness includes calm and quiet. It is in moments of

stillness that our pondering can bring divine teaching.

If you will please indulge me this day, I would like to add a bit to psalms 46:10 with the

following and pray that the spirit will help us all understand these truths.

Psalms 46:10.1 Be still and know that our spirits are eternal and live on after separation

from our mortal bodies

Psalms 46:10.2 Be still and know that families who are sealed in the holy temple are

families for eternity

Psalms 46:10.3 Be still and know that the veil between our world and the spirit world is

at times very thin.

Psalms 46:10.4 Be still and know that our savior Jesus Christ atoned for us not just that

we can be redeemed in the next life, but that we can be healed in this life

Psalms 46:10.5 Be Still and know that on the third day Christ did resurrect and because

of this we will all be resurrected one day.

Psalms 46:10.6 Be still and know that we are all children of heavenly parents who know

us and love us and want us to return to their presence.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Christopher MacKay, 1969-2024

Once again, this is one of those posts that is an overwhelming one to write and has loomed over me as I've pondered on how to express the tender emotions that Troy and I have experienced over the past couple of months. I still don't know how to approach this event and all it has meant. I just know that whatever I write won't quite be sufficient in expressing the love, grief, and faith that we, especially Troy, has experienced. 

Late in October, on the 26th, a warm Saturday morning, Troy got a facebook message from the younger sister of one of his life-long best friends. He was standing in the kitchen with Chase, and all Troy could say was, "Oh no." Chase asked what the matter was, and Troy couldn't respond with words. He just handed the phone to Chase. Chase has since told me how much he was impacted by seeing his dad's raw grief and being able to be there for him, alone, to support him. 

The text read, "Hi Troy, I wish I were reaching out under better circumstances, but I thought you might want to know what’s going on with Chris right now.  Yesterday Warren found Chris unconscious and he ended up going into emergency surgery to relieve pressure caused by bleeding in his brain. The surgery was successful, but his brain scan showed no activity. He later passed an eye test and a coughing test; both small improvements and essential.  We know it’s still serious.  We’ve been told to expect him to be in the hospital for a long time, with possibly more surgeries. Hoping you can remember him in your prayers."

Troy was devastated, understandably. He asked Chase for a blessing and I know Chase will never forget the emotions he felt as he did his best to comfort his dad.

Chris and Troy met in junior high school. They initially weren't particularly close at first, but started hanging out their sophomore year of high school. Troy went to his house for the first time on the last day of 10th grade and from that moment on their time together increased until their senior year they were inseparable, going on family vacations with him and his two younger sisters. Troy spent countless hours at the home, at his cabin, snowmobiling together, water skiing together. Troy worked for Chris's dad, and basically was the brother Chris never had. Just as the Moore boys take on the roll of being brothers for Chase, Troy took on the roll of being a brother to Chris. And Chris's family provided for Troy a haven. He had so much fun and they were so generous with him. Maybe Chris's dad was on the grumpy side, but was still giving and generous, and supplied fun safe spaces for the boys. Troy was included as a true family member. 

After college, Chris moved to Virginia where he lived for the rest of his life. Troy and I were able to visit him early in our marriage, and we got to see Washington DC and Georgetown with him. We spent Independence Day there with him and his sisters, and I too will never forget his generosity in showing us all around town. Despite the distance, Troy and Chris remained close and stayed in touch as much as they could.

I still feel like I'm not doing justice to the magnitude of this friendship in Troy's life. 

Chris married later in life - not until he was 38. And he and his wonderful wife Rebecca were able to have two sons who look so much like Chris it's almost comical. The boys, Warren and James, are now only 13 and 12. From the first time I met Rebecca I loved her and felt that she was kindred. I wished for more time with her. 

The week after Troy got the news about Chris's accident, he and Mike Mayfield flew to Virginia to be with Chris and support Rebecca and the boys.

Again, how on earth do I begin to describe what his weekend there was like? I'm not sure there are words adequate to do the job. Here's what he was able to communicate to me: that room number 310 in the intensive care unit of the Inova Fairfax Medical Center became a truly holy and sacred space. Not only was it very intense, as Chris lay mostly in a coma, part of his skull having been removed to make room for his brain, covered in tubes and wires, but it was filled with a palpable love as the people in the Mackay's life gathered to support in any way they could. How many prayers and blessings were offered in that room? How many tears were spilled? Troy was there to hold hands with a very anxious Rebecca as Chris, during a period of improvement, was moved from lying down to sitting in a chair. He witnessed the love of a community as people gathered to take care of the boys, drive people places, do laundry, make food, and house the visiting friends like Troy. Troy feels like he made new life-long friends as they bonded over this tragedy.

Chris was able to give some hopeful signs such as thumbs up and squeezing hands,
even kissing the hand of his wife Rebecca.

Troy came home on Sunday night having been changed forever. He witnessed love like he'd rarely seen before. And he had hopes of an eventual recovery for his friend. This was not to be, however. It wasn't long before the progress Chris had made began to dissapate. He had blood clots in his arm which were tough to treat at the same time a brain bleed was present. The doctors were trying to decide if he needed a tracheotomy, he was able to be extubated. But he experienced a second brain bleed, and it wasn't too long before his organs began to fail and Chris passed away early in the morning of November 17th, the day before his 55th birthday. 

Horrifically, Chris's parents were stuck in Salt Lake City. His father Brent was not healthy and was unable to travel. They finally went to a doctor to see if they could get him well enough to go see Chris, and discovered that Brent was full of cancer. His condition worsened quickly, until he was also in a coma, and also passed away one day after Chris, on Chris's birthday. Can you even imagine what Chris's mother and sisters were going through? That was another extremely powerful part of this journey - Troy's relationship with Chris's sisters, Sarah Jane and Joanna, is strong. The way that they leaned on him as a surrogate brother, especially Sarah, was incredibly touching. Sarah especially turned to him, weeping in his arms over and over, telling him how grateful she was that Troy was there. That he is now her brother. Bonds that were already forged have multiplied in strength and meaning. 

The Sunday that Chris passed away, Troy got a surprise visit from Craig, who did the thing that friends do. They show up. He wasn't as close to Chris, but loves Troy like a brother and knew how he'd be hurting. He just showed up on our doorstep. There is nothing in life as beautiful as that. 

This is really hard to write. 

Troy and I were able to travel to Virginia for Chris's funeral. I was able to witness for myself the warmth of the community the MacKays have in Virginia, to meet their cute boys, to add my prayers to those of everyone there. I was grateful to be staying in the home of some of the friends of the MacKays along with our dear friends the Mayfields. I was grateful to have a few moments to talk with Rebecca. And to show support in any way I could.

Troy was delighted to see the photo that he had taken of Chris going fishing prominently displayed. Another fishing photo Troy took was included on Chris's funeral program.

Chris's funeral in Virginia was incredible. Mike Mayfield gave an incredible talk. He is so good at connecting individually with people and he used his talk to really connect with Warren and James. It was beautiful. Rebecca also spoke, showing such faith and bravery. Troy and Mike were both pall bearers, which I know meant so much to both of them. Friendships can really be such an honor, to love and be loved by incredible people. Leaving was hard. 

I have to share one delightful experience we had on our way home, which was a very long travel day for us. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and the airports were truly hopping as people made their ways to their various destinations. We arrived very early since we had carpooled with the Mayfields and their flight left earlier than ours. Troy and I found our gate and got comfortable in a couple of chairs while we waited. A woman with a stroller approached us to wait to board her flight, and in the strolled was the most gregarious and exuberant four year old I've ever met. I was knitting, and the little girl basically launched herself out of her seat to come check out what I was doing and begin her series of asking questions and telling me approximately 1,000 stories. Also jumping up and down to show me her light-up shoes. Sometimes there is just magic when you're talking with a child. We basically became besties. She decorated my knitting pattern and I gave her some cute little knitting knick-knacks to remember me by. I really need to start keeping some stickers and little toys with me at all times to be prepared for moments just like these. It brought a sweetness to the weekend that added focus to the beautiful parts of life.