Christopher MacKay, 1969-2024

Once again, this is one of those posts that is an overwhelming one to write and has loomed over me as I've pondered on how to express the tender emotions that Troy and I have experienced over the past couple of months. I still don't know how to approach this event and all it has meant. I just know that whatever I write won't quite be sufficient in expressing the love, grief, and faith that we, especially Troy, has experienced. 

Late in October, on the 26th, a warm Saturday morning, Troy got a facebook message from the younger sister of one of his life-long best friends. He was standing in the kitchen with Chase, and all Troy could say was, "Oh no." Chase asked what the matter was, and Troy couldn't respond with words. He just handed the phone to Chase. Chase has since told me how much he was impacted by seeing his dad's raw grief and being able to be there for him, alone, to support him. 

The text read, "Hi Troy, I wish I were reaching out under better circumstances, but I thought you might want to know what’s going on with Chris right now.  Yesterday Warren found Chris unconscious and he ended up going into emergency surgery to relieve pressure caused by bleeding in his brain. The surgery was successful, but his brain scan showed no activity. He later passed an eye test and a coughing test; both small improvements and essential.  We know it’s still serious.  We’ve been told to expect him to be in the hospital for a long time, with possibly more surgeries. Hoping you can remember him in your prayers."

Troy was devastated, understandably. He asked Chase for a blessing and I know Chase will never forget the emotions he felt as he did his best to comfort his dad.

Chris and Troy met in junior high school. They initially weren't particularly close at first, but started hanging out their sophomore year of high school. Troy went to his house for the first time on the last day of 10th grade and from that moment on their time together increased until their senior year they were inseparable, going on family vacations with him and his two younger sisters. Troy spent countless hours at the home, at his cabin, snowmobiling together, water skiing together. Troy worked for Chris's dad, and basically was the brother Chris never had. Just as the Moore boys take on the roll of being brothers for Chase, Troy took on the roll of being a brother to Chris. And Chris's family provided for Troy a haven. He had so much fun and they were so generous with him. Maybe Chris's dad was on the grumpy side, but was still giving and generous, and supplied fun safe spaces for the boys. Troy was included as a true family member. 

After college, Chris moved to Virginia where he lived for the rest of his life. Troy and I were able to visit him early in our marriage, and we got to see Washington DC and Georgetown with him. We spent Independence Day there with him and his sisters, and I too will never forget his generosity in showing us all around town. Despite the distance, Troy and Chris remained close and stayed in touch as much as they could.

I still feel like I'm not doing justice to the magnitude of this friendship in Troy's life. 

Chris married later in life - not until he was 38. And he and his wonderful wife Rebecca were able to have two sons who look so much like Chris it's almost comical. The boys, Warren and James, are now only 13 and 12. From the first time I met Rebecca I loved her and felt that she was kindred. I wished for more time with her. 

The week after Troy got the news about Chris's accident, he and Mike Mayfield flew to Virginia to be with Chris and support Rebecca and the boys.

Again, how on earth do I begin to describe what his weekend there was like? I'm not sure there are words adequate to do the job. Here's what he was able to communicate to me: that room number 310 in the intensive care unit of the Inova Fairfax Medical Center became a truly holy and sacred space. Not only was it very intense, as Chris lay mostly in a coma, part of his skull having been removed to make room for his brain, covered in tubes and wires, but it was filled with a palpable love as the people in the Mackay's life gathered to support in any way they could. How many prayers and blessings were offered in that room? How many tears were spilled? Troy was there to hold hands with a very anxious Rebecca as Chris, during a period of improvement, was moved from lying down to sitting in a chair. He witnessed the love of a community as people gathered to take care of the boys, drive people places, do laundry, make food, and house the visiting friends like Troy. Troy feels like he made new life-long friends as they bonded over this tragedy.

Chris was able to give some hopeful signs such as thumbs up and squeezing hands,
even kissing the hand of his wife Rebecca.

Troy came home on Sunday night having been changed forever. He witnessed love like he'd rarely seen before. And he had hopes of an eventual recovery for his friend. This was not to be, however. It wasn't long before the progress Chris had made began to dissapate. He had blood clots in his arm which were tough to treat at the same time a brain bleed was present. The doctors were trying to decide if he needed a tracheotomy, he was able to be extubated. But he experienced a second brain bleed, and it wasn't too long before his organs began to fail and Chris passed away early in the morning of November 17th, the day before his 55th birthday. 

Horrifically, Chris's parents were stuck in Salt Lake City. His father Brent was not healthy and was unable to travel. They finally went to a doctor to see if they could get him well enough to go see Chris, and discovered that Brent was full of cancer. His condition worsened quickly, until he was also in a coma, and also passed away one day after Chris, on Chris's birthday. Can you even imagine what Chris's mother and sisters were going through? That was another extremely powerful part of this journey - Troy's relationship with Chris's sisters, Sarah Jane and Joanna, is strong. The way that they leaned on him as a surrogate brother, especially Sarah, was incredibly touching. Sarah especially turned to him, weeping in his arms over and over, telling him how grateful she was that Troy was there. That he is now her brother. Bonds that were already forged have multiplied in strength and meaning. 

The Sunday that Chris passed away, Troy got a surprise visit from Craig, who did the thing that friends do. They show up. He wasn't as close to Chris, but loves Troy like a brother and knew how he'd be hurting. He just showed up on our doorstep. There is nothing in life as beautiful as that. 

This is really hard to write. 

Troy and I were able to travel to Virginia for Chris's funeral. I was able to witness for myself the warmth of the community the MacKays have in Virginia, to meet their cute boys, to add my prayers to those of everyone there. I was grateful to be staying in the home of some of the friends of the MacKays along with our dear friends the Mayfields. I was grateful to have a few moments to talk with Rebecca. And to show support in any way I could.

Troy was delighted to see the photo that he had taken of Chris going fishing prominently displayed. Another fishing photo Troy took was included on Chris's funeral program.

Chris's funeral in Virginia was incredible. Mike Mayfield gave an incredible talk. He is so good at connecting individually with people and he used his talk to really connect with Warren and James. It was beautiful. Rebecca also spoke, showing such faith and bravery. Troy and Mike were both pall bearers, which I know meant so much to both of them. Friendships can really be such an honor, to love and be loved by incredible people. Leaving was hard. 

I have to share one delightful experience we had on our way home, which was a very long travel day for us. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and the airports were truly hopping as people made their ways to their various destinations. We arrived very early since we had carpooled with the Mayfields and their flight left earlier than ours. Troy and I found our gate and got comfortable in a couple of chairs while we waited. A woman with a stroller approached us to wait to board her flight, and in the strolled was the most gregarious and exuberant four year old I've ever met. I was knitting, and the little girl basically launched herself out of her seat to come check out what I was doing and begin her series of asking questions and telling me approximately 1,000 stories. Also jumping up and down to show me her light-up shoes. Sometimes there is just magic when you're talking with a child. We basically became besties. She decorated my knitting pattern and I gave her some cute little knitting knick-knacks to remember me by. I really need to start keeping some stickers and little toys with me at all times to be prepared for moments just like these. It brought a sweetness to the weekend that added focus to the beautiful parts of life.