The Preslar Family

The Preslar Family
November 2013

Friday, December 07, 2007

1:30 in the morning, Matthew on the mind

Hello friends. You'll have to forgive this rambling, as it is occurring at a very late/early hour, but I'm feeling inspired. I have just spent a joyful and sorrowful evening with women whom I love. We gathered to support our friend, who is only 3 1/2 weeks past losing her baby, Asher. He was due on Dec. 30th. I felt so glad to be a friend to her. Losing Matthew was not easy, but I am grateful to be able to have helped my friend and welcome her into this strange little club of people who know a very tender kind of loss. I guess I am writing this entry to celebrate the fact that for the first time in seven months I've been able to write some feelings about Matthew that I haven't been able to. I'm supposed to be asleep but instead I'm at the computer writing and writing about him and it feels wonderful. A poem, which has been lodged in an unreachable place is finally taking shape in a way that feels very true. I'm grateful for that. I'm not ready to share it, but I wanted to document the satisfaction and catharsis of writing. I thought that because it didn't happen right away it might not ever happen, that the more time passed the less I'd feel. I guess the pot of emotions just needed to settle and clarify a little. I'm so glad, and grateful for my life, my husband, friends, my beautiful children. I know I write a lot about parenting frustrations, and I need to say that my children are darlings. Okay, this is kind of a weird entry. That's what you get for being privy to my journal, I guess.

3 comments:

Monica said...

Maybe it's a wierd entry - but it lets me know that I will be able to get through the next 1 1/2 months. As the time draws nearer that we would have had our little boy I get nearer and nearer to a flood of tears that I know are going to be hard for Scott to see.

Thanks, Rachel.

Anonymous said...

I remember hearing you talk about that poem, and I'm very glad to know that it has surfaced, both because it is another beautiful thing in the world and because now it your thoughts are settled enough that it could come out of you. I have been inspired watching the emotional honesty with which you have gone through this experience. You are my hero.

MRL

ghd3 said...

:)

Thanks Rach.