Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Happy Birthday, Our Boy
Yesterday was our special Matthew day. Two years have now gone by since we said goodbye to him, and it's crazy to think about how much has changed. How mind-boggling that we're now counting down the days until a new baby arrives in our family. I have to say that our Matthew experience has made her arrival much more poignant for us in such a good way.
We had some plans to really celebrate Matthew, and we were able to pull a few of them off. Let's just say that Stomper and Bitty really make the concept of 'quiet reflection' next to impossible. And in some ways, that's a blessing. They certainly keep us grounded and moving forward. No wallowing here. And we didn't feel like wallowing anyway. We're in such a different place this year than last, that really, all we wanted to do was celebrate a little. So, like I said, some of those things happened, and some didn't. That's okay. We can turn our "Matthew Day" into "Matthew Week" and keep enjoying the process.
I think the thing I'm most excited about is that we made a paving stone in his honor, and bought a plant; a bleeding heart - my favorite. We have never had a place to go to remember Matthew. Due to the fact that he passed away before he was born we didn't think we wanted a grave for him. I'm not saying that I regret that decision, just that I never imagined how much I'd want one special place to go when I wanted to honor or think about him. We contemplated a tree for a long time, but that can be kind of a big deal. So, we made this stone out of concrete and had the kids decorate it with beads and rocks and stuff like that. We'll plant the bleeding heart in a shady spot by the house and put the stone next to it. I love this idea. Then if we ever move, we can take the stone with us and plant another bleeding heart. I'll post a picture of the spot when we're done.
We also did what is becoming a tradition for us - writing notes, tying them to balloons, and letting the balloons go. Gosh. It was kind of a comedy of errors. The kids just really made the whole day kind of frantic and the writing notes wasn't as quiet and peaceful as I would have hoped. Then when we went into the back yard to let them go, three of the four balloons got stuck in trees or power lines in our yard. Slightly anti-climactic. Super-hero Troy saved the day by unhitching two of the three, but his own balloon may still be lodged in the big tree it got stuck in. That's okay. We know Matthew knows what we wanted to say, and really the note writing itself is very therapeutic, even with kids bouncing all over you while you're trying to do it. Just taking a moment to say what you really want to say helps a lot.
So, little Matthew, to you I want to say that having a new baby makes you an even more special part of our little clan. I am sure that each time I hold her, wrap her and rock her, I will be both so grateful that I'm getting the chance to do that for her and missing the fact that I couldn't do it for you.