This year has been funny - I promise you I only planted one zucchini plant, and like every other year, it has grown prolifically, throwing its arching stems and long leaves in a five foot radius at least. Only this weird thing has happened - (I probably bought some fancy plant I didn't realize I was buying) - exactly one half of the plant has produced regular green zucchinis and the other half has produced yellow crook-necked squash. Isn't that awesome?
So here's how it goes. In about June or July when the plant has really taken off and cute little squashes are growing happily, I feel excited. I pick one or two and give them a rinse, slice them up, sauté them in butter, add a little salt and then my husband and I enjoy eating them for dinner while the kids cry about me making them eat yucky vegetables. I do this twice a week for about....one week. And then I forget to check for additional zucchini. Suddenly I'll find myself on the side of the house where the plant is and notice that there is a squash there the size of my forearm and think, oh gosh I have to pick that! And eat it! Okay okay, I promise I will, just hang on while I run this quick errand....I think you can see where this leads. I forget. Or I purposely avoid that side of the house because I know, waiting there under the canopy of massive leaves, is an ever-growing gargantuan and if I see it then I will have to think about picking it and figuring out what to do with it. Pretty soon I am facing a vegetable the size of my entire leg and Troy has noticed that I have been avoiding my gardening zeal which was so evident only weeks before.
Troy finally picked The Big One.
He posted a picture on Instagram of Bundle holding it and our friend Rex sent it back to us with the following treatment:
When my children saw this picture they began to laugh so hard they couldn't settle down for a good ten minutes. It was hilarious. Only one problem. After Troy picked the zucchini, he left it in the kitchen for me to face on an hourly basis. Now what?
Want to know the truth? I'm going to tell you because it will properly shame me. I just couldn't face cutting into that monster with its thick skin and seeming yards of vegetable matter just taunting me with the knowledge that I would never get my kids to eat one bite in a million years. And don't even say the words zucchini bread to me. I don't want to hear about it. So...I snuck it into the trash.
I know!! I'm the worst. In an act of penitence I quickly went back to the zucchini tree (that's about what it was by this point) and picked a few small ones. I promptly cut them up, breaded them and fried up some zucchini fries. I even had authentic fry sauce for dipping. My kids still wouldn't eat a bite.
After the meal was done, Troy wiped his mouth, smiled, looked at me and said, you are hereby banned from growing zucchini again. Ever.
I think he may have a point.
Now...what to do about all those herbs I meant to use in all my fresh summer cooking this year....