Matthew Turns 16

There are a couple of things about our celebration of Matthew that really stood out this year. 

First of all, we didn't have Chase with us. It was both sad and sweet that he wasn't there - sad to be missing both of our boys, sad to not have our Chase with us on our own special Preslar Holiday that he loves celebrating with us. But so sweet because he's out doing this incredibly hard and wonderful thing that is forcing him to grow and stretch and serve and study and learn, and I know he feels so strongly that his little brother is by his side, though unseen.

Secondly, as Troy and the girls and I lingered around the fire, we wrote our notes as usual and tossed them into the flames, and then we ended up having a long and very poignant conversation about our beliefs and our faith. There was a very special feeling there as we cried and shared thoughts and emotions, and I feel like we drew even closer as a family. 

We actually have one single photo of our Matthew, which we have never shared with anyone. The kids have never wanted to see it before but this year they felt like they were ready. I went to get our special box where we keep the photo along with a couple of mementos from the hospital and all of the sweet cards and notes we received from family and friends. It's not an easy photo to look at, but it was special to share it and talk with the girls about what the experience of his birth was like.

Those are such special nights, sitting out in the cool spring air, a different feeling surrounding us than our usual busy evenings. Reflecting on memories, expressing hope and belief, feeling like Matthew is near. I never would wish this experience on anyone, and can't really say that I'm glad that it happened, but there sure have been blessings in the wake of losing Matthew. I'm grateful for those blessings and the bond our family shares because of him.