I feel really bad about how our Matthew celebration went this year. I mean, I of course loved spending the time with my family, but I just didn't do a good job of really celebrating Matthew.
As always, our family holds this day, May 5th, quite sacred. We clear our schedules as much as possible. We make sure to gather and celebrate being Preslars together, and celebrate our family's guardian angel. We went out to a nice dinner - this year we picked Gourmandise, the delicious little bakery and cafe in downtown SLC. We enjoyed great food and the time we got to have together. At the end of the meal we went to the bakery counter to choose some delicacies to bring home. Everyone picked their faves. Tiramisu for Troy, passion fruit layer cake for me, and other good things. We took the treats home to enjoy, and then we talked about how emotional our celebration had been last year.
On his 18th birthday we had decided to go back through all the blog posts I had written about him, and it was extremely emotional. We all wept a lot and it felt cleansing, it felt like we were really honoring him and remembering him. It also took a lot of energy to feel all those feelings.
This year would have been Matthew's 19th birthday. It's amazing to think that he would likely be on a mission right now, and out of highschool, and just becoming a man like his big brother has. I mentioned to the kids how much I had enjoyed last year and also how it kind of took all my energy, and they agreed. We decided we weren't up for that deep of a dive that night. But we ended up not really focusing on our Matthew as much as we should have. I know Troy especially had wanted to keep our usual traditions, and I myself felt a little empty. I mean, we still had a great evening together, with fun and laughing and bonding. But I'll remember now that even though it takes an emotional toll, I won't want to miss out on my deeper celebrations of Matthew's birthday.
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