Ups and Downs

Let's start with an up, shall we? In fact, let's start with two. First of all, last week or so I took the kids to the aquarium, way out on 7th East 106th South. We go there pretty often and I don't usually bother taking pictures, partly because it's really dark in there and hard to get a good shot, and partly because, you know, how many pictures of the aquarium do we need? However, I did have to post one because it is really hard to catch a shot of your kids petting the sting rays. On the day we were there the rays were so active, practically jumping out of the water all over the place, and both my kids got pretty hands-on with them, perhaps more so than they wanted to!



My other up for today (so far) is in the knitting world. I've been wanting to make a sweater for Chase and I found a pattern I'm excited about. I asked the women at the knitting store about it and they said it would be pretty simple, so I went ahead and bought the yarn for it. Well, when it came time for me to pull out the pattern and get started I had a real problem deciphering it at first. That would be because the waist band is all cable knit - you know, the rows that look like they're braided. I panicked. I am afraid of cables - they just seem complicated beyond belief. Then I just thought to myself, "Calm down! READ the pattern." I did, and I thought I could understand it - so I tried it out, and guess what! I could totally do it! I was so excited - it's a great feeling to me. Here's the waistband of the sweater:



Now, on to the downs. Do you, as a parent, ever feel vaguely like you have NO IDEA what you're doing? Are you ever blown away suddenly by the weight of what you are attempting? Trying to teach small children to grow up into good, responsible, compassionate and educated people? I know, I know, I'm probably doing fine, but sometimes it just seems overwhelming. And it is. Part of the heaviness for me right now, and I'm ashamed to say it, is that the kids are kind of making me bananas. Stomper in particular seems to have a never-ending supply of questions that I can't answer, (Mom, when is my lizard going to come out of his house?), requests that I can't grant, (Mom, can I have a pet octopus? Can we dig a really big hole for him in the back yard?), "What About's" that I don't understand, (Mom, what about my knees?) and best of all he must start every sentence with, "Mom?" He'll repeat my name 50 times, even if I'm looking right at him, until I say, "Yes?" And if he stops in the middle of a question and needs to start again he needs to say, "Mom?" again. Like this: "Mom, can we....Mom? Mom? Mom? Can we have a ...um, Mom? Mom?" You get the idea. Sometimes it feels to me just a little bit like someone has grabbed a lock of my hair and is now jumping up and down. I get rather tired of feeling like all of our interactions are negative, so I've really been striving for the positive moments with Stomper. Nice talks, praise, special activities...these are the times he chooses to scream in my face or ask me politely to please stop talking or interrupt with, "Mom, what about outer space?" Bitty's problem is more along the lines of going from happy to full-on screaming in about one nanosecond. So now I hang my head in shame as I confess my impatience with my children. I've been a bit down hearted.

But then come more ups - because Stomper and Bitty will be in the process of chipping away at my sanity one brain cell at a time and then suddenly change channels to charming, happy, resilient, sweet and loving children. These moments save their lives and mine. And I cherish them, I really do. Bitty is awesome at saying please and thank-you, and says it in the cutest way. "Oh, TANK-you, mom! TANK-you for the banana!" One morning she came racing out of the bedroom, saw her dad and said, "Oh, hi there Troy!" and went racing on by. So of course there are high moments and low moments. I just had to vent about the lows for a bit...okay, I'm ready for all your comments about what a good mom I am. Just kidding. Just tell me I'm not alone!