I had a moment this evening that I don't think I will ever forget. I was snuggling with a very fussy Bundle, which is unusual behavior for her. She must not feel too good. I was a little tired out (but not totally insane yet - Bitty didn't mess her pants for the 5th time today until later) after a long argument-filled kind of day, and was a little edgy with the constant baby fussing going on. The big kids were playing and I finally got Bundle calmed so I was standing by the computer reading blog updates. I read the very tender blog entry from a friend and found myself weeping. I looked down at Bundle and just smiled and cried and laughed because I'm so happy to have her and she just laughed right back at me. Which made me cry more. The more I cried the more she laughed. It was one of those little gifts that get you through the days.
The blog that made me cry so much was a very touching entry from a friend who lost her baby just a couple of weeks ago. That was the viewing I went to on Bitty's birthday. She was in labor at 39 weeks or so and discovered that the baby had gone probably a couple of days earlier due to a hematoma in the umbilical cord. (I hope it's okay I'm talking about this, Kate!) She and her family are amazing and have much to share about their baby and the things that they are learning. Thank you, Kate.
Troy and I can't help but feel, especially lately,that life seems to be awfully fleeting. I'm also consumed by thoughts about another friend, whom I respect and admire immensely, who is facing the fight of his life in a battle against melanoma. He's only months younger than myself and has a wife and three children who are all so beautiful, both inside and out. I have several other friends going through great trials; more lost babies, health troubles, cancer scares, divorces; it seems overwhelming right now. And there's very little I can do for any of them except fall to my knees and ask for help for each of them, which I am doing.
I am grateful for the chance to remember my blessings. Seriously, Bitty had me close to running for it today. Troy arrived in the nick of time. I'm not sure if he saved me or Bitty, but he saved someone, that's for sure! But as Bitty had sat weeping in the bathroom tonight she tearfully told me through her sobs, "I still love you mommy!" I thought of what a blessing she is to me. She also asked if she could have a noogie instead of a spanking. Rest assured, neither were administered. The remedy tonight was just a quiet family time sitting on the bedroom floor reading and talking and hugging.
My love goes out to those who need it.